


Roommate Wanted

by gin95



Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A slice of life, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Cancer, Character Death, Insecure Im Changkyun | I.M, Jungkook and Changkyun are best friends, Multi, OT7 bish, Other, Platonic Relationships, Roommates, Taehyung makes an appearance, bts ensemble - Freeform, dark themes, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27790414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gin95/pseuds/gin95
Summary: Changkyun finds out that he’s dying. Not wanting to leave his six roommates hanging without a new tenant, he makes it his life’s mission or however much time he has left, to find the perfect roommate who not only can replace him, but be able to live with the other six tenants whom he has grown to accept as his family away from home.
Relationships: Bangtan Boys | BTS Ensemble/Monsta X Ensemble, Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M, Im Changkyun | I.M/Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M/Jeon Jungkook, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Minhyuk, Im Changkyun | I.M/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 11
Kudos: 87





	Roommate Wanted

Do you know that moment of curiosity when you’re in a bathtub or a pool or anywhere there’s enough water to drown you, that you suddenly wonder, how long can you stay under without breathing? Suddenly, the curiosity becomes a challenge and that challenge becomes something that a person can’t seem to wrap their head around so there’s no other way but to test out the theory. Next thing you know, you’re suddenly under water, trying to keep your head down. Noises dwindle to a quiet mute and you open your eyes to either see the sky or your bathroom ceiling and somehow, it’s peaceful. Your mind isn’t on the fact that you’re not breathing, which is a necessity when it comes to living. No, your mind is on the fact that you’re underwater, happy that time seems to be passing by and you wonder how long you’ve been under and you end up closing your eyes, maybe smiling, at the fact that you’re kicking your curiosity in the ass. All of a sudden, your chest contracts and the lack of oxygen is now starting to catch up. So you try to swim up to the surface and hope that there’s a way to breathe in all the air that you’ve missed for the seconds that you were under. As you reach the surface and take a deep breath, feeling lucky to be alive, you get the sense of security that you’re okay but then you look around and see that no one would’ve missed you if you had really drowned. All of a sudden, that feeling of security becomes a feeling of anxiety and sadness for the future that could’ve been gone within a breath. Yep, that’s how Changkyun was feeling.

If you had asked him where he would be at the end of the day, he would’ve said chilling in his lack of pajamas, binge watching La Casa de Papel and drinking enough booze that teeters the line between tipsy and drunk. It sounded like a good plan. He didn’t, however, plan on being in the bathroom of a shared apartment, silently crying and freaking out about the fact that he’s dying. _Cancer_ , to be more precise. He had gone in for a regular physical check-up since apparently as an adult, you’re supposed to have someone tell you that your body is a-okay and that it’s functioning as well as it should be for your age. He didn’t go in to have someone tell him that he has cancer. _Cancer_ , of all things. The cliche of all diseases. Changkyun scoffed. He had asked the doctor to run the test twice, hell, three times, just to be sure, but the doctor just gave him a look full of pity and the ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Im’s’ as if it would make it all better. He was only 23 years of age, for crying out loud! He was planning on living until he drove his parents mad and until his future wife had had enough that she would be planning his death! He wanted a natural death like old age, not fucking _cancer_.

“Changkyunah?”

Changkyun looked up from where he was sitting in the bathtub and scrambled to get out of it, only to fall flat on his face, making a resounding thud. The door suddenly opens and one of his roommates, Hyunwoo runs to him and helps him get up.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Hyunwoo asks as soon as he’s finished dusting off the imaginary dust on Changkyun, as if it was to make sure that he didn’t break a bone.

Changkyun awkwardly laughs, embarrassed to even look at the older in the eye, “Yeah, hyung. Sorry to hold up the bathroom,”

Hyunwoo smiles waves him off as if it was fine and knowing how the elder was, it probably was okay.

Changkyun steps out of the bathtub and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “I’ll let you do your business then,” he grimaces at himself.

After living with six other people, you would think he’d get used to having company and have a normal conversation. No, of course not, because this is Changkyun we’re talking about. He didn’t exactly know how he became one of seven in this big house that he’s currently renting, but somehow, he was. Fresh out of college and first year as an intern in a music store, Changkyun had no idea how he’d be able to pay for rent with an unpaid internship and a measly job at a nearby convenience store. Until one day, he had overheard a customer saying that there was an abandoned frat house, that was now owned by an older lady and had eight rooms and two bathrooms. Changkyun had taken all the courage he had that year and had asked the customer, one of his current roommates, Lee Jooheon, if there was a room available. Jooheon, had just smiled at him and gave Changkyun his phone number to text him so that they could set up a meeting with the other tenants. Changkyun was elated at the fact that he wouldn’t have to live in someone else’s couch for the foreseeable future. And the rest was history.

The first few months were a little awkward. Changkyun could tell that the other six guys had already lived together for a long time, and even from an outside view, he could tell that they were close. When asked how long they’ve known each other, Changkyun was given various different answers, giving him hope that maybe, he’d feel included as time came along as well. He was closest to Jooheon, who coincidentally was the closest to his age. Maybe it was because that Jooheon was such a regular at the music store or that they had that interest in common, but Changkyun had always felt drawn to the dimpled dumpling of a guy. It was also kind of nice that Jooheon had acted as the cute youngest of the family when Changkyun obviously couldn’t. Plus, after the first few months of living together, Jooheon was able to give a good word to his supervisor about Changkyun at a music production company that allowed the younger to have his current job, which he loves.

The two oldest of the house, Hyunwoo and Hoseok, were two of the most walking contradictions Changkyun has ever known. While both enjoyed working out and living a healthier lifestyle, their personalities were so docile that they could give Mother Teresa or Gandhi a run for their money. When he had first met them, Changkyun had thought that they would be the hardest to win over. They weren’t. Hoseok had welcomed Changkyun with open arms as soon as they opened the door when Changkyun was just going to look at the apartment. Hyunwoo had just patted his back and already welcomed him as their seventh roommate. Changkyun had thought that the two were crazy for trusting a stranger, but with their appearance, no one would probably want to mess with them separately, even more so, together. But after living with them for almost a year, Changkyun had learned to never judge a book by its cover.

Especially, with the other three roommates, who coincidentally were all the same age. If Changkyun had to learn to never trust anyone by their charming smile and conniving personality, it would have been because of devil incarnate, Lee Minhyuk. Throw in Yoo Kihyun and a Chae Hyungwon in the mix and Changkyun would be robbed blind and wouldn’t even know it until the next day. Unlike Hoseok and Hyunwoo who had intimidating appearances but personalities of a saint, the trio were the opposite. Beautiful and charming on the outside, but evil on the inside. Not to say that living with them had made Changkyun’s life dull, but it’s been very interesting. He’s pretty sure he’s lost almost a quarter of his annual earnings to the three and their bets. But if Changkyun was being honest, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

What the six guys have done was not only give him a home, but also a family that he’s never had. The six guys also accepted Changkyun’s quiet and awkward nature, even if he feels like they haven’t. He was laying in bed after that awkward run-in in the bathroom with Hyunwoo when a lightbulb suddenly pops in his head. If Changkyun dies, which he would, since apparently he’s already on the last stage, the house would need a new tenant so that the rent prices wouldn’t go up from what they already were. Granted, it wouldn’t go up that much, but having seven versus six tenants helps everyone in terms of money. Having six roommates also gave Changkyun extra money in his pocket, even if he doesn’t work in the convenience store anymore.

Changkyun takes out his notebook and starts to make a list for a potential new tenant when he hears a knock on his door. Changkyun looks over his shoulder to find Jooheon already letting himself in.

“You writing lyrics?” Jooheon had asked.

“Yeah,” Changkyun lied.

“Well, dinner’s done. Ki hyung told me to get you because you haven’t eaten all day,”

Which was true, since Changkyun had to go to the hospital early this morning and only came home about half an hour ago when Hyunwoo had found him in the bathroom. Changkyun had nodded. Jooheon was about to ask another question when the two hear Minhyuk yelling at them from downstairs to get their butt in the kitchen or else the food would be gone. Jooheon sighs and gives the younger a look. Changkyun just smiles, “I’ll be right down, hyung. Save me a plate?”

Jooheon ruffles his hair playfully and just nods.

Changkyun goes back to his notebook and starts the list, tapping the end of the pencil on it and humming, as if it would make him focus even more. Remembering his own personality, Changkyun would like to find someone who’s a little different than him. Knowing his own self, Changkyun didn’t want the other six to suffer through two Changkyuns in their lifetime, god knows one is enough. When he comes down to eat food, all the roommates have gone to their respective rooms and Changkyun finds a plate for him on the table and a note on the foil covering the food.

_Changkyun,_

_You should’ve eaten with us. I’m a little upset, but enjoy the food._

_Kihyun_

Changkyun pouts. He didn’t expect Kihyun to be mad, he just got lost on the list that he’s making and when he’s concentrated, not even an earthquake could do anything about it. He flips the post it and sees another note and smiles.

_Kyunnie,_

_You should’ve eaten with us! But I won twenty bucks because of it so I’ll buy you coffee tomorrow! Thank you for making me twenty dollars richer! Also, Ki was born mad so don’t worry too much! I love you!!!_

_Min hyung_

Changkyun opens the microwave quietly before the timer runs out, so that it wouldn’t beep in the quiet household. He sits down on the table and starts to remember all the nights that they’d had dinners on the same table. The first night he had moved in, Changkyun didn’t know how the dinners worked. If it was every man for himself or if it was a family affair. He had ordered himself a large pepperoni pizza and was about to open the door to the delivery man only to stop himself in his tracks when he sees his six other roommates setting up the table. For seven.

“Changkyunah!” Minhyuk smiled, “Dinner’s almost ready! Ki makes the best kimchi jigae,”

Changkyun’s eyes widen in guilt and was about to apologize when the doorbell rings.

“Are you guys expecting anyone?” Hoseok had asked.

Changkyun grimaces, “I—I ordered pizza,”

Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow and pouts. “Oh… um okay,” and turns back around to mix the soup.

Changkyun starts to feel guilty and continues his way to the door to get his pizza and probably lock himself in his room until everyone’s asleep. He should’ve asked them what they had wanted and even if they wanted pizza, he should’ve been more considerate in buying more than one. But he’s also on a budget.

“So, are you joining us?” Hyungwon asked, tilting his head.

Everyone turns to look at Changkyun, who’s currently in the middle of the room carrying a large pizza, not knowing what to do. He looks down at his pizza, then back up at the six pairs of eyes. Looking back at it now, it wasn’t exactly the question that had scared Changkyun. Sure, he’s awkward as hell and couldn’t do small talk to save his life, but Changkyun was afraid of not being accepted. He had been afraid of rejection. That if he had asked them if they had wanted to eat dinner together, that they would laugh at him for even implying that he could fit in when the six of them have lived together for a couple of years.

Minhyuk goes around the table and takes Changkyun’s pizza from his hand and guides the younger to an empty chair, putting the pizza in the middle of the table.

“I was craving pizza anyways,” Minhyuk opens up the pizza and smells it, “Oooohh, pepperoni is my fave!”

Kihyun, who Changkyun was a little scared of, just hands him a bowl full of rice and had put a big bowl of soup in the middle, next to the pizza. Changkyun gives him a small smile, “Thanks hyung,”

Kihyun ruffles his hair, “Don’t worry about it.”

As they eat together, with a mixture of asian and western cuisine in their tiny kitchen, Hyunwoo pats his back and says “Welcome to the family.”

Changkyun has never felt more welcomed.   


* * *

Changkyun doesn’t start to notice the symptoms, but he knew that they would come. The doctor had told him that even though the illness was at its last stage, chemotherapy and group counseling might still help. Chemo was out of the question since he couldn’t pay the bills itself. Group counseling was something he didn’t welcome either since talking to a room full of strangers wasn’t something he wanted to do before he died. But because he had no one to talk to, besides his doctor, about his illness, Changkyun had resorted to the group therapy. Maybe listening to others struggle through the same things will help alleviate whatever confusion he has and hopefully will help him welcome with the inevitability of his death.

The first day of therapy wasn’t all that great. There were probably around six people in the group, with one being around his age, Jeon Jungkook. Changkyun had peered in the window of the door, hoping that no one would notice him but hoping that someone would at the same time. Everyone seemed to be a little preoccupied with the chairs in a circle in the middle of the room so he turned around, only to run into him. A little bit taller, broad shoulders, cute smile that reminded Changkyun of Hoseok’s, and a face that Changkyun knew he would have a hard time forgetting.

“You new?” The person had asked, smiling brightly.

Changkyun was confused, wondering why this young, obviously healthy guy, was here.

As if reading his mind, Jungkook puts out his hand, “I’m Jungkook! My hyungs call me Kook. You look like a hyung so I’m gonna call you hyung!” Jungkook looks behind Changkyun and through the window of the door to find that the session was about to start and pushes the door, “we should probably go on in.”

With no choice, Changkyun follows Jungkook into the room, shuffling behind him as if wanting to be anywhere else but there.

As he takes a seat next to Jungkook and introduces himself to the group, Changkyun had felt even more confused as to what he was doing there. He wasn’t going to be healed by sitting here, listening to other people talk about their cancer and what they’re doing in the midst of it. He’s not going to get better learning how to knit something with the yarn that was provided. He’s not going to get better. Period. And somehow this realization, punches him in the stomach, and suddenly, Changkyun needs air. He gets out of his chair, not noticing that he had knocked it over. As he leaves the building and breathes in the cold winter air, he doesn’t notice that someone was following him outside until Jungkook clears his throat.

“It’s not easy, I know,” he sighs, “Sometimes I can’t even accept it at all. Other days are better. I just accept death and my impending doom while other people just look at me with pity… or hell I don’t know. They give me those puppy dog eyes like it would make it better,” Jungkook scoffs.

But Changkyun knew that nothing would make it better. He knew that he and Jungkook were on the same boat, even if the younger had accepted it better than he had.

Changkyun sighs as Jungkook continues.

“It’s such a bitch,” he laughs sardonically, “Here I was exercising, eating healthy and shit, and this is how God repays me. By giving me fucking cancer. I wanted to die a natural death you know? Drive my wife crazy that she’d have no choice but to kill me,”

Changkyun laughs, having had thought the same thing.

“But here I am. In group fucking therapy. Hearing about the incurable disease that I have and that I’m a ticking time bomb,” he shakes his head, “a lot of the times I don’t fucking know why I’m wasting an hour every day when I could be doing something, like stuffing my face with cake or smoking weed or some shit like they do in those teen movies. But everyday, after that hour,” he turns to look at Changkyun, “talking about it to people who knows what you’re going through… it makes me feel better, even for a little bit. I fucking hate them for it, but at the same time I don’t, you know? And I know it sucks now, hyung, but later on, when I’m not here anymore and you’re here by yourself finding someone lingering at that godforsaken front door of the most depressing room known to man, you’ll give them the same speech I’m giving you right now, and tell them that it’s going to be okay,” Jungkook finishes as he gives a genuine smile at Changkyun, who tries to smile back and thinks, that at least he’s not alone anymore.

They’ve become friends after that. Exchanging numbers and even meeting each other for dinners every now and then. Changkyun’s even been invited to Jungkook’s home, meeting his two older brothers, Jin and Jimin, who seem to dote on the kid, and Changkyun’s never been more jealous for being an only child. Changkyun never invited Jungkook to his house though since he hasn’t told his roommates that he has cancer. It’s been about a month now, and he still didn’t know how to tell them that he probably wouldn’t be here this time next year.

* * *

He starts to see the changes in his body one night. A light brush to his hair, and he feels a clump of it fall. He looks in the mirror and sees a thinner man, slowly deteriorating and falling apart. He looks at the hair that is now in the sink and slowly backs away until his back hits the floor. He crouches down and tries to accept the reality, but like Jungkook had said, it’s a bitch. Changkyun starts to cry quietly, not wanting the rest of the house to know what he’s going through. He would’ve called Jungkook but his phone was in his room, which seemed a little too far away from the bathroom at the moment. Right then, he felt alone. He could tell his roommates but no one knew what he was going through, except for Jungkook who was on the same boat. His roommates wouldn’t know what to do except soothe him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn’t. Changkyun didn’t want that.

After giving himself a couple more minutes to collect himself, Changkyun collects the hair in the sink, puts it in a bag, and plans to throw it away in the garbage can in his room. He could’ve flushed it down the sink or the toilet, but he didn’t want there to be a future clogging problem.

He opens the door only to find Hyungwon standing on the other side of the bathroom door.

“Hey Kyun. You okay?”

Changkyun looks up and forces a smile, “Of course hyung,” sounding a little clogged up from all the crying he was doing earlier.

Hyungwon tilts his head as if not believing the younger. The house had thought that their youngest roommate had been a little off lately. Changkyun rarely eats dinner with them when before, he did every night. And when he did eat with the rest of the house, his plate was barely halfway full, even if Kihyun had made him his favorite foods. They also had noticed how much more time the younger’s been spending in the bathroom. At first they had thought it was because of hormones, they were all adults and there was no judgement held, but the more they notice, the more they knew it wasn’t because of that.

“What’s with the bag?” Hyungwon asks, noticing the plastic bag in Changkyun’s left hand.

“I was taking out the trash… it was full,” Changkyun tried to wave it off, and before Hyungwon could ask another question, Changkyun rushes to his bedroom. Hyungwon goes inside the bathroom and checks the trashcan, still full of their trash and not emptyas Changkyun had stated. And the fact that Changkyun went straight to his bedroom to ‘throw away’ the trash instead of putting it in the big trash can in the kitchen, definitely raises his suspicion that something’s up.

Changkyun and Jungkook were drinking coffee at a coffee shop near the hospital before their group therapy. Changkyun hadn’t wanted to come back until Jungkook’s brothers had asked him to because it allowed Jungkook to have somewhat of a normal life outside of the illness, having someone close to his age be in the group. Changkyun had refused at first, but after a couple of days, he knew that what Jungkook needed might also be something that Changkyun had needed. A friend.

“So, you currently live with six other guys and you’re telling me that you’re what? Looking for another roommate?” Jungkook had asked after taking a sip of his coffee.

Changkyun nods, “Yeah. I want to find them a suitable roommate for when I’m gone,”

“Umm… like a platonic blind date?”

Changkyun laughs, “Exactly that. Think tinder, but no hookups,”

“So more like bumble?”

“Yeah, exactly like bumble,”

Jungkook looks at Changkyun like he’s crazy before giggling, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, hyung,”

Changkyun glares at him, “Shut up. I’m preemptively looking for someone for them so that they wouldn’t have to, you know? I’m defending the home court before an attack,”

“Yeah but they could do that themselves, you know?” Jungkook shrugs, “I mean that’s probably how they found you. And besides, wouldn’t they feel weird about you making this decision without them?”

They probably would. Hell, all this effort could be for nothing. The house could still turn down the new roommate that Changkyun had thought would be perfect to replace him, but it didn’t hurt to try. This also helped Changkyun preoccupy his mind. It helped him think of something else besides his cancer, which was slowly eating him away. How his roommates hadn’t noticed, he didn’t know, but he was thankful for their obliviousness.

“I just don’t wanna be a burden, Kook,” he said quietly.

Jungkook stares at him in silence before patting his hand, “I know what you mean hyung,” he smiles, “you know I try to act as normal as I can for the sake of my brothers, but they don’t. They act like I’m someone with cancer. And I am but I’m more than that you know? I’m still the Jeon Jungkook they raised and loved for over twenty years… it’s stupid but I just wish they would give me a headlock like they used to do all the time. Maybe then it’ll make me feel normal,”

Normal. What is the definition of normal? Typical, standard, the usual, the status quo. He’s only known Jungkook for a couple of weeks, and he already knew that the younger was beyond normal. He was a special kid. And the fact that he’s going through the same bullshit, for even longer than Changkyun has, makes him hate the world even more. Because even though Changkyun is ordinary, Jungkook was not. He was special. And special people shouldn’t have to go through such hardship. But such is life. It spares no one.

Changkyun smiles back, “Normal’s overrated Kook. You’re a bit weird anyway,” Jungkook shoves his hand away and sticks his tongue out, thankful for the lightheartedness turn that this conversation had gone to. 

“Are you just going to create a profile then or put up a wanted poster?”

Changkyun scrunches his nose, “I’m not putting anyone for ransom, you idiot. I just need a nice tenant who my hyungs would like,”

“Okay,” Jungkook hums, “What are you looking for then?”

“Someone opposite of me,” Changkyun answers easily.

“So someone boring,”

Changkyun looks up from his notebook, “No. Someone not awkward, who can converse easily, someone who can cook, someone who ca—”

“Hyung”

“What”

“You’re not awkward, you’re just shy. You’re easy to talk to and you listen really well. Now I don’t know if you can cook or not, but I don’t think that’s really something your hyungs have on top of their list you know?”

Changkyun doesn’t know what to do with the onslaught of compliments so he keeps his mouth shut and his eyes trained on his notebook.

“If they’ve lived with you for this long and had dinner with you every night, I doubt that they’d want someone opposite of you,” Jungkook says.

“Maybe they’re just adaptable,” Changkyun mumbles

“Or maybe,” Changkyun looks up to find Jungkook smiling, “They just like you for you,”

Changkyun had decided to post the ‘job’ on indeed and on bumble. Jungkook had wanted to post it on tinder as a joke but Changkyun hissed at him, telling him that he wasn’t looking for a hookup that his roommates could have an orgy with. Jungkook had just laughed.

Changkyun had a couple of hits on bumble, and he’s set up a ‘date’ at the coffee shop he frequents, asking Jungkook to accompany him to vet out the potential roommates. He didn’t want to set up the house with a potential serial killer or rapist. Basically he wanted someone normal. And nice.

Jungkook was anxiously shaking his legs.

“Would you quit? You’re making me nervous,” Changkyun hissed. Jungkook just gave him a look and continued to shake his leg, even tapping on the table, knowing that it would drive Changkyun crazy.

Changkyun looks at the three people in front of him. He had printed out their pictures and their profiles to make notes on them. Jungkook thought it was ridiculous. He thought it was thorough. Changkyun had been too busy studying the pictures when Jungkook taps his arm. He looks up to find the first candidate. _Kim Taehyung, 23 years old, photographer_. Changkyun had thought that his interests were similar to Kihyun’s and Minhyuk’s: photography and art. The guy seemed to dabble a lot in self expressionism too. He was quite different to a lot of people, and it worked for him.

Changkyun puts his hand up, as if signaling the other man to his table. Kim Taehyung gives him a boxy smile that was somewhat childlike and charming.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung, but you can call me Tae,” Changkyun was taken aback at how deep his voice was. Changkyun’s voice was deep, sure, but this dude’s voice was beyond the ninth circle of hell deep, what the fuck.

Jungkook introduces himself after noticing that Changkyun wasn’t saying anything. After the introductions were out of the way, Changkyun asks him a couple of questions while Jungkook stays quiet. Stealth mode, Jungkook had said. “They wouldn’t know what hit them, hyung.” Changkyun had questioned his decision on letting Jungkook tag along at the time.

“Can you tell us about yourself?” Changkyun asked.

Taehyung tilts his head, “Isn’t it on your papers?”

So he’s a smart ass.

“I’m sure you can’t be captured on paper,” Changkyun says.

Jungkook snorts, “You sound like you’re flirting with him, hyung,”

Changkyun hisses at the younger while Taehyung smirks, “You’re not really my type, but you’re cute,”

Changkyun frowns, “This is just platonic and for roommate purposes, Taehyung-ssi,”

“Why?”

“Because I’m straight?”

“Do you not know if you’re straight?” Taehyung had thrown back. Changkyun’s patience is almost gone and grits his teeth, “Are you interested or not?”

Taehyung laughs, “Of course I am! I’m just messing with you. I know what I saw,” he clears his throat, “Everything on my profile is true. I’m pretty chill, but I like being taken care of. My friends say I’m quite cute and like to use it when I want something,” _kinda like Jooheon_ , Changkyun had thought.

“I like art in any form. I quite respect it and the work behind it,” he continues, “and as you can see, I like to express myself through my clothes,” _just like Minhyuk_.

Jungkook converses with Taehyung as Changkyun mutes them. Taehyung seems to be a good conversationalist and is a sociable butterfly. A little weird, but Changkyun is too, so what the hell. Has arts and cuteness as similarities with the other roommates. Seems to have the personality of a puppy too. He’s a potential.

“So maybe we can grab some dinner?” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows.

Nope. Not a potential.

Changkyun curtly thanks him for his time as Taehyung just laughs. Changkyun probably knows that the other man was just teasing, but Changkyun doesn’t have time to joke right now. He’s running out of it. As they wave him goodbye, Jungkook turns to him, “I like him. I think we could’ve been best friends in another life,” he says.

The next two candidates weren’t as entertaining. One was too morbid and a little emo, even Jungkook, who talked about death like it was a normal topic, was a little freaked out. The other one was a little too peppy that after the interview, both Jungkook and Changkyun had to get another cup of coffee and rub their eyes to normal after having them bulge out the entire time. Three interviews for the day and zero bites. It was quite exhausting. Changkyun hadn’t noticed it but his body feels more exhausted easily. He had looked over at Jungkook and sees that the younger had sagged to his seat.

“I’m really sorry for dragging youinto this, Kook,” Changkyun feels sorry, knowing that Jungkook must be feeling even more exhausted since he was also attending chemo.

Jungkook lazily waves him off, “I had fun, hyung. Besides, my life can’t just be about chemo and group therapy,”

Before Changkyun replies, someone enters the coffee shop that makes Changkyun freeze. Minhyuk. And Kihyun. _Fuck._ Jungkook follows Changkyun’s eyes, and calls Kihyun over. What the fuck. Changkyun never showed Jungkook pictures of his roommates and he was pretty sure he’s never introduced them to each other so how the fuck do they know each other.

Kihyun turns to look at their table and smiles, but that smile soon turns into a frown when he sees Changkyun. Both of them walk over to the table as Changkyun scrambles to hide the papers quickly.

“Kookah,” Kihyun hugs the younger and turns to Changkyun, “Kyun. I didn’t know you two knew each other,”

Jungkook looks at Kihyun then turns to Changkyun, confused.

“Uh, yeah. Kook and I met a couple of weeks ago,” Changkyun replies as Minhyuk goes around to hug him tightly, “How do you know each other?”

Before he could reply, Jungkook does it for him. “Ki hyung works with Jin hyung!” _Oh, fuck._ “How do you know Ki hyung?”

“We’re roommates. Kyunnie is our seventh!” Minhyuk enthusiastically answers, “I’m Minhyuk by the way, but you can call me hyung since I’m the same age as this devil over here,”

Jungkook smiles as Minhyuk moves over to hug the poor kid. Kihyun looks at Changkyun as if asking him something, but Changkyun can’t read his mind and he’s suddenly found the crown molding on the ceiling fascinating.

“How are you feeling, Kook?” Kihyun turns his attention to Jungkook and Changkyun has never felt more relieved.

“Oh living the dream, hyung,” he toothlessly smiles.

“The clinic is nearby right?”

Changkyun whips his head at Kihyun. He knew about Jungkook? Of course he knew, if Jin worked with him and he was close enough for Jungkook to call him hyung, of course he knew. Jungkook nods as Minhyuk looks at him confusingly. “Clinic?”

Kihyun looks at Minhyuk as if he had just said something he wasn’t supposed to, then back at Jungkook who just smiles and says, “I have cancer,”

Minhyuk gapes as Kihyun smiles sadly. Jungkook waves them both nonchalantly, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve come to terms with it,”

Kihyun nods, “Jin said chemo is going well?”

“If by well, you mean ass, then sure!”

Minhyuk laughs, “I like your positivity, kid,”

“Positivity is all I have hyung,” Jungkook shrugs, “Why be sad when you can live your remaining life happily? Besides, sadness isn’t going to magically cure me you know?”

Changkyun had to bitterly smile at his answer, knowing the feeling. But sometimes, positivity can also be a pain in the ass. Sometimes it’s not worth the trouble.

Jungkook nudges him, “We should go, hyung,”

Minhyuk frowns and looks at his roommate, “Where is Kyunnie going? Aren’t you coming home with us?”

Jungkook turns to answer but Changkyun waves him off faster, “I’m gonna walk him to the clinic then ride the bus, hyung,”

Jungkook looks at him funnily but Changkyun brushes him off. And before his roommates have any room to argue, Changkyun grips Jungkook’s arm and basically drags him out of the coffee shop.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Jungkook says, “You never told them,” it wasn’t a question, but more of a statement.

Changkyun shakes his head. He didn’t trust his voice right now. Apparently cancer can also make you emotional. Hell, dying will sure make you emotional.

Jungkook just sighs, “I know you feel like they shouldn’t know. But you’ll regret not telling them later on,”

Changkyun stays silent as they walk over to the clinic.

“Hyung,” Changkyun stops and looks at the younger, “I know I shit about my hyungs and their pity glances. But I’d take that any day over them not knowing what’s going on,”

Changkyun sighs, “I know. I will tell them… eventually,”

“What, when you’re six feet under?”

Changkyun scoffs, “Yeah. I’m just gonna leave them a post it and say sayonara bitches,”

Jungkook laughs as they arrive in front of the door. “It’s nice to have someone there for you, hyung,”

“I have you, Kook,”

Jungkook smiles sadly, “Not for long,”

And Changkyun… he didn’t know how to answer that. Time is fleeting, he knew, but he’d rather not think about losing someone who’s suddenly made his life much brighter in the past few months.

* * *

It was a Sunday. Changkyun woke up feeling nauseous. Not caring if the roommates would hear him, Changkyun runs to the bathroom, hoping to make it to the toilet or the sink at least. He heaves up spit and a little bit of dinner from last night. After a couple of minutes and knowing that there’s nothing more to throw up, he leans his head on the seat, which if he was in his right mind, would’ve disgusted him. But it was the least of his problems. 

“Kyun, are you sick?”

Changkyun tentatively looks up and only sees a blurry sight, but based on the voice and the built, it sounded like Hoseok. Changkyun smiles or hopes that he looks like he’s smiling and not grimacing, “Stomach isn’t agreeing with me today, hyung. I’ll be fine, don’t worry,”

Hoseok leaves him, which relieves Changkyun. Only to come back a couple of minutes later with a glass of water. He crouches down to where Changkyun was currently sitting, hands him the water, and pats his back softly. Changkyun hated to admit it, but it made him feel a little better. Suddenly, he moves his head from the seat and on Hoseok’s chest. Changkyun could hear the older’s calm heartbeat, and he’s able to calm himself down through it as he feels Hoseok’s arms circle around him. Hoseok doesn’t pry any more about what happened that morning and Changkyun was thankful for it. He doesn’t see, however, the lingering and curious stares that not only Hoseok throws him, but Kihyun and Minhyuk as well.

Jooheon had asked Changkyun to help him go to the grocery store really quick. Changkyun wasn’t feeling up for it. Exhaustion was taking over his body at a faster pace than normal and he could barely move. He didn’t really ask the doctor how long he had, knowing that he would be counting to the day. Instead, he went in with a blind eye and will accept it when death comes collecting. Changkyun had wanted to turn down Jooheon, but the older kept on insisting that no one in the house was available even though everyone was home and didn’t seem to have better things to do. Maybe the fresh air would do him some good, so he reluctantly went.

As soon as the two youngest left the house, the other five collected themselves in the living room.

“Okay, we all know something’s up,” Kihyun said.

Minhyuk nodded, “I don’t know what it is, but something’s a little fishy,”

Hyunwoo, oblivious to it all, looked at the two confusingly. Hoseok would’ve been in the same boat had he not seen Changkyun throwing up in the bathroom this morning. But he knew they were all basically on the same page.

“Changkyun’s not eating,” Hyungwon chimed in.

“I made his favorite last night and he barely ate three spoonfuls of it,” Kihyun furrowed his eyebrows, “He normally eats at least two bowls of it, every time,”

“I mean it was a little salty, Ki,” Minhyuk smirked while Kihyun just glared back.

“It’s not the food. He barely eats anything at all the past few weeks,” Hyungwon shakes his head, “the poor kid’s wasting away,”

They didn’t know what was happening, if they were quite being honest. Changkyun was such a mystery that they’ve all learned to not only accept it, but love it as well. They had liked that the younger was quiet and observant. And that when he talked, most of the time it was funny as hell. He had a hell of a timing when it came to his remarks that left them all in stitches. But where he lacked in sociability, he made up with his compassion. They all knew that he had a huge heart and always put everyone else before him. It was the main reason that they had accepted him as their roommate. Not because they were needing it for the rent, sure it had helped but they weren’t exactly struggling. But because they knew that Changkyun would’ve been a great addition to their family away from home.

When Jooheon had told the other five about the guy working in the music store, about how great he was at reading the room and figuring out what you need before you even knew yourself, the other five had agreed with him to rent out the other room. It also helped that Jooheon had the knowledge that Changkyun was looking for a new apartment himself. So while it may have been strange for Changkyun to be accepted so quickly, to the other five, they had accepted him already because of his loving personality. Even if they hadn’t known him for a long time, they knew that Changkyun was a friend for life.

Compared to how he was the first time they had met him, Changkyun was starting to be a little bit more livelier, like a turtle coming out of his shell, and it was as beautiful as it was special to see him grow into someone so full of life. But for a couple of weeks, maybe a month at least, the younger had started retreating back to his shell and the other five don’t know what had happened. If they had said something offensive or if it was even them that was the problem. They never liked to pry, and even though Minhyuk had wanted to ask in the first place, the other four had convinced him to let Changkyun come to them in his own terms. But it feels like a step backwards.

“Ki, maybe we could ask that kid we met at the coffee shop! They seemed really close,” Minhyuk had suggested.

Kihyun brightened up, “Oh! Kook! I don’t have his number but I have Jin hyung’s number,” he scrolls through his contacts and calls Jin, hoping that the elder would answer, since Jooheon and Changkyun might be on their way over from the store.

After a few rings, Jin finally picks up, “Hello?”

“Hyung, it’s Kihyun,”

Jin takes a deep breath, “Ah, Ki. Now’s not a good time,”

“Are you okay, hyung?” Jin had sounded ragged. He didn’t sound right. Granted Kihyun never called him often, but Jin always picked up the phone with a pep on his step.

Suddenly he hears Jin crying.

“Hyung?”

“I—um… J-j-jungkook,” is all he says before he sobs and Kihyun finally puts the pieces together.

“I’m so sorry, hyung,”

He didn’t know what else to say. How do you say your condolences or your sorries to somebody when your words probably don’t mean shit? It was a shame, though. Jin had told Kihyun that Jungkook was getting better, with the chemo and everything. He hadn’t known that those days where Jin’s eye bags where getting darker or when he had lacked the normal Jin energy, that there could’ve been something happening to Jungkook. A good kid, gone too soon.

After hearing Jin calm down a little, Kihyun offers his sorries, even if he knew that nothing would bring Jungkook back. But he had hoped that all the sorries that he and Jimin received today would somehow mount into something like hope.

“Ki,” Jin says brokenly.

Kihyun hums.

“K-kook… he—he umm told me that Kyunnie is your roommate,”

“He is. One of them, anyway,”

Jin hiccups, “He doesn’t know. He’s been trying to call Kook’s number, b—but he doesn’t know,”

Kihyun understood before Jin had said it.

“He knows where our house is. I’d like him to—to properly say goodbye, if that’s okay. Kook—he really liked Kyun and I’d just really like him to be there,” Jin says.

Kihyun was nodding before Jin had even finished, “Yes, hyung. Just send me the address and we’ll be there,”

As he hangs up, he finds three pairs of eyes looking at him. The other pair, Minhyuk’s, were looking at the floor.

“He’s gone?”

Kihyun nods and a tear slips his eye. He didn’t know Jungkook much but the kid had such a bright personality that it was hard not to like him. And if he and Minhyuk, who’s only met the kid once, were being hit this hard over his death, they couldn’t imagine how Changkyun would feel when he finds out. Which was apparently now, because they could hear the beeping of the front door, announcing the other two’s arrival.

Jooheon was laughing at something while Changkyun was chuckling. They were about to shout that they were home when they could see the solemn mood in the living room.

Jooheon was the first to ask. “What’s wrong?”

Kihyun didn’t even look at him and instead went to Changkyun, to give him a hug.

“Kyunah… I’m so sorry,”

Changkyun carefully returns Kihyun’s hug, thinking how they found out. Maybe Jin had told them after Jungkook had probably told Jin that Kihyun was one of Changkyun’s roommate. Changkyun was about to apologize for keeping a huge secret when suddenly his world come to a crash.

“Kyun, Jungkook’s dead,” Kihyun said without letting go of Changkyun, afraid that he might fall apart if he did. Minhyuk gets up next and hugs Changkyun’s backside, hoping that with Kihyun in the front, they’d be able to hold him up. Changkyun, not fully understanding what the hell is happening, feels the room spin and suddenly, the support from Minhyuk and Kihyun fall apart and his knees give out. Kihyun and Minhyuk follow him to the floor, not knowing what to do but just offer their support while the others just look at the three from afar.

Jungkook. So young. So full of life. _Jungkook_ , the guy that made Changkyun’s living hell a little better. He couldn’t be gone. He just couldn’t. Changkyun knew that their time was inevitable. He knew that time was ticking down. But the problem with not knowing about how much time you had is that it could run out any minute. For all he knew, _his_ time could run out tomorrow or even later in the evening. Jungkook knew his. He knew about his time and didn’t tell Changkyun about it. Maybe Changkyun wouldn’t have wanted to know. Because if he did know, he’d be counting down and he’d end up looking at Jungkook with pity eyes. The expression that the younger had despised the most. And maybe Jungkook didn’t want to tell him, knowing that Changkyun was having a hard time accepting the fact that he, himself, might die someday too and that he’d have a harder time knowing about Jungkook’s expiration date as well.

The ride to Jungkook’s house was a blur. All of them were packed in Hyunwoo’s van, Minhyuk never leaving Changkyun’s side, holding his hand the whole way through. Changkyun, if he wasn’t in a state of such shock, would’ve been grateful. But all he could see as he passed all these familiar places, was Jungkook’s face. As soon as the door opens, Jin only sees Changkyun, who was currently staring at the floor. He rushes to the younger and ushers the other six inside the house, which was full of mourners. Jin stops Changkyun by the door and just hugs him. Which is the exact same time that Changkyun breaks down. There they were. The two of them, crying for a life lost too soon. For a life that was never fully lived. And for a life, that even though was short, was memorable and nothing but short of amazing in its own way.

Changkyun had gone up to Jungkook’s room, knowing his way from how many times he’s been. He hears a knock and he looks up to see Jimin. Even though Changkyun didn’t know him very well, despite being the same age, Changkyun knew that Jimin had loved Jungkook as much as he and Jin had.

Jimin smiles sadly, “I thought I’d find you here,”

Changkyun just nods, still not trusting his own voice.

Jimin comes in Jungkook’s room and looks around, as if trying to remember what was once here. “Kook really liked you. He always told me and Jin hyung that you might be his new favorite hyung,” he laughed softly, “that brat. He also told me that none of your hyungs know,”

Changkyun shook his head.

“I know Jungkook had told you to tell them and I had told him that you’d need to do it on your own time,” he sighs, “but seeing as how cancer waits for no one, I can’t help but agree with Kook,”

Changkyun feels the space next to him dip as Jimin takes his hands with his own trembling ones. “Jin hyung had probably said it already, but we want to thank you, Changkyunah,” Changkyun looks up, “because of you, Kook was able to be normal the past month, which was all he had ever wanted. We didn’t know how to make him feel that way because we didn’t know what he was going through,” he sighed, “all we could do was support him and love him. So when you came along, we were able to see the old Kook, the lively brother that we’ve always known. Jin hyung and I would like to thank you for giving him back to us, even only for a little bit,” Jimin said.

Changkyun felt overwhelmed. “He—he helped me a lot too,” he laughed, “he showed me positivity and that I was loved by a lot more people than I had realized,”

Jimin squeezes his hands to continue.

“I’d like to thank you and Jin hyung for pushing me to stay in therapy and for welcoming me into your family… and for letting me get to know Kook,” Changkyun said.

Both of them hug and before Jimin goes back downstairs to the guests, he hands Changkyun a letter. “Kook wrote each of us one. Seems like he wanted us to cry even more,” he laughs softly, “We wanted to give it to you personally,” and with that, Jimin leaves Changkyun in Jungkook’s room.

Changkyun debates on whether he should open it now or wait. But knowing himself, if he opened it now, he’d never be able to move. He tucks the letter in his jacket and looks around Jungkook’s room one last time. For some reason, he could feel Jungkook as if he was still in the room telling him to stop crying and to go downstairs and stuff his face with cake, which makes Changkyun smile. Because even though Jungkook was gone, he was special. Jeon Jungkook was special. And his memories and his impact on Changkyun’s life will forever be with him.

_Hyung,_

_I would’ve written you a post it note, just saying sayonara bitch, but I knew that your ass would’ve been mad at that. If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I hope you’re at least a little sad because my ass is too pretty to not be missed._

Changkyun laughed as he wipes his tears.

_All joking’s aside, you were the first person who had helped me heal, not my cancer because that would be revolutionary as fuck, but you helped me feel normal. And while I love my brothers, they didn’t know what I was going through. But even though they were kind of clueless, I appreciated their presence. Which is why I think you should tell your hyungs. Because I’m worried that with me gone, you’d feel lonely even though you aren’t. I’ve seen you with Ki and Min hyung and if the rest of the house treats you a sliver of what those two treat you? You got nothing to worry about._

_You gotta cherish the people you have now, hyung. Don’t worry about what would happen to them when you’re gone, because their sadness will pass by with time. But regret? That will stick with them forever. Don’t make them regret not knowing about your illness and just enjoy the time you guys have together. Those memories will help the sadness heal in the future. I’ll pick you up when you get here. I’ll be waiting._

_Kook_

_P.S. don’t waste your time trying to make others happy, use it for your own, which means STOP BUMBLING FOR A FUCKING ROOMMATE AND BZZT BZZT FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!_

Changkyun laughs and reads the letter at least three times before he goes to the kitchen, where he knew the others would be.

“Hyung?”

Kihyun and Minhyuk turn to look up from their phone and smile at the youngest. They didn’t really get anything out of Jin and trying to ask about Changkyun during a funeral didn’t seem very appropriate. After Changkyun had reappeared from a room upstairs, which they had assumed was Jungkook’s, they had all gone home in silence. Sometimes, when you don’t know what to say, it’s better to say nothing at all. Silence can sometimes be more comforting than telling someone that it’s going to be okay.

“How—how are you feeling, Kyunnie?” Minhyuk asked.

Changkyun shrugs, “I’m a little… a lot sad to be quite honest with you. It’s weird to live a life knowing that Jungkook’s not gonna be at the coffee shop with me anymore,”

Kihyun smiles, “It’s hard to accept that something’s gone when you’ve been used to it for so long,”

Changkyun bitterly smiles and thinks, _no truer words said_.

He takes a deep breath, “Do you think I could talk to you guys?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Changkyun looks around and finds Hoseok in the living room, but other than the three of them, the rest of the housemates seem to be missing.

“Is everyone home?”

Hoseok approaches and shakes his head, “Joo said something about finishing a song. Hyunwoo went to work out, and Hyungwon went to grab a coffee,”

“Even though we have coffee here in the house,” Kihyun mumbles, “But what’s up? Everything okay?”

_No._

Changkyun takes a deep breath, “I—I,” _come on Changkyun. Three words._ “I h-ha-have,” _yeah… nope._ “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he lies. Jungkook is probably turning in his grave.

Minhyuk gives him a funny look. “You sure?”

“Yep, yep,” Changkyun laughs weirdly, “Never better!” His voice going up a higher octave but before the other three could ask any further, Changkyun runs to his bedroom and crashes on his bed, face down. _Coward._ He can practically hear Jungkook laughing. Or cursing. The two were mutually exclusive.

He must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing he knows, it’s dark outside. He’s been even more exhausted lately and his hair is still falling out, but thankfully, he can still hide any bald spots with the hair he still has. Or if it gets bad, he can always wear a beanie, even if the rest of the house looks at him funnily. He can just blame the cold. He gets cold really easily nowadays anyway. Someone knocks on his door.

“Kyun?”

Changkyun looks up and finds Hyunwoo leaning on the door. The elder smiles to find him awake, “Dinner will be ready in five,”

Changkyun smiles weakly, “I’ll be there hyung,” his voice a little groggy from sleep. Hyunwoo lingers on the door as Changkyun continues to look at his hyung.

“Anything else, hyung?”

Hyunwoo looks as if he wants to ask something, maybe a little contemplative. It was as if he wasn’t sure whether asking it would be appropriate or not. Hyunwoo shakes his head as Changkyun just nods awkwardly and closes his eyes, since he still has five minutes before Minhyuk probably comes barging in his room, teasing him for not helping with setting up the table, not knowing that Hyunwoo was still lingering at the door, watching to see if there’s anything at all that’s out of the ordinary.

Hyunwoo may be oblivious to a lot of things, but he does pay attention, even if the others don’t think so. Ever since Kihyun and Minhyuk had told him that they ran into Changkyun in a coffee shop with a kid who just passed away recently, Hyunwoo had been paying more attention. He’s started seeing Changkyun’s plate at dinner, which has become emptier every night. Sometimes Changkyun would pile his food so that the others wouldn’t notice how little he ate, but Hyunwoo saw how that plate was rarely emptied. And he also saw how Changkyun played with his food instead of putting it in his mouth.

Hyunwoo’s been having a hard time sleeping at night as well. And sometimes, Hyungwon joins him in watching a movie in the living room, suffering from his own insomnia as well. And almost every night, they see Changkyun going in the bathroom, who seems to be too tired to even notice the TV that’s playing softly in the living room. When they started hearing gagging noises in the bathroom, Hyungwon had padded to the bathroom quickly, trying to listen in from the other side of the door. He was about to knock when Hyunwoo had put his hand on his shoulder, shaking his head as if telling him not to. Changkyun was the type to tell people what’s going when he was ready. Hyunwoo did not want to force him. And it seems like Hyungwon had understood.

Ever since that night, both of them had tried to sleep a little early to wake up in the middle of the night, just in case Changkyun had woken up. Maybe this way, Changkyun wasn’t by himself and that if something had happened, the two of them would be there to help.

“Hyung,”

Hyunwoo looks to find Kihyun looking at him.

“Dinner’s ready. I’ve been calling, but you weren’t answering,” Kihyun whispers.

Hyunwoo nods as Kihyun turns to start on waking up Changkyun. The older was about to stop him but Kihyun seem to just be standing in front of the bed instead of shaking the younger awake. Hyunwoo joins him and watches as Kihyun pushes the hair out of Changkyun’s face.

“He’s been acting weird, hyung,”

Hyunwoo hums.

“Something’s up and I know it. Even Minhyuk can feel it,”

“Let him sleep, Ki,” he nudges Kihyun, “Come on. Let’s eat,”

Hyunwoo turns to get out of the room as Kihyun lingers a little bit more, just studying Changkyun’s face. He looked thinner and a little paler. Changkyun was shivering so Kihyun puts another blanket on him, and makes a note to turn up the heater once he gets out of the room. Kihyun gives Changkyun one last look before leaving to go to the dining room. As soon as the door closes, Changkyun opens his eyes, having been awake the entire time.

* * *

After contemplating with himself for a couple of minutes, Changkyun wills himself to go to the dining room, to hopefully find all of his roommates and tell them about his sickness. He gets out of his room to find that they’ve just finished dinner and that they were cleaning up.

“Kyun!” Jooheon yelled. Changkyun winces at the volume. Kihyun turns around from the kitchen and smiles at the younger. “Let me get you a plate,” he says.

Changkyun shakes his head, “I’m not hungry hyung,”

Kihyun frowns and was about to say something but Minhyuk beats him to it, “You haven’t eaten anything all day,” he says.

Changkyun grimaces. “I just wasn’t hungry, hyung,”

Minhyuk opens his mouth to argue but Hyungwon comes up next to Changkyun and pats his shoulder, “Just have a little bit,” he says softly.

Changkyun wants to argue but instead, he just agrees. Maybe a little bit of food would do him some good. He has been feeling a little woozy lately. He’d like to think it was because of an empty stomach or because of the eventful day he’s had, but he knew that even though it was a mixture of that, he knew what the main reason was. He moves from the middle of the room to sit in the dining room where Kihyun had set his plate, not knowing that everyone’s eyes were on him. But as Changkyun puts one foot forward to move from one place to another, he suddenly feels his knees give out and waits for his face to impact the floor, but he feels Hyungwon’s lanky arms catching him.

If Changkyun had the energy, he would’ve felt embarrassed or even scrambled away from Hyungwon’s hands, playing it off like it was nothing. But he didn’t have the energy to do so and he knew that everyone in the house just saw him almost fall, which means that they would have questions. Fortunately, they let Changkyun eat a little bit in peace, but he did notice that none of them left the room, as if they were all waiting for Changkyun to say something in the first place.

Changkyun tries to get their attention instead of waiting for someone else to break the silence, “Umm… I guess you’ve all been wondering what’s been up with me,” he starts as Jooheon turns to mute the TV and everyone else stares at him. It was a bit unnerving.

“Jung—jungkook, he is…was a friend. Min hyung and Ki hyung ran into us at the coffee shop last week,” he smiles, “he had cancer and knew that his time was running out,” Minhyuk goes to him and squeezes his hand to continue. “He—he knew his time was running out… and mine is too,” Changkyun squeezes his eyes, refusing to look at the pity glances he’s sure to see if he opens them. Instead he feels arms around him, encasing him with warmth and love. As soon as he feel the arms loosen does Changkyun open his eyes and find that there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

“Kyun—”

Changkyun waves Minhyuk off, “I’m fine really. It’s eating my body away… but other than that, I’ve come to realize that I’d like to spend the rest of my time with you guys without feeling like I have to hide it,” he says.

Hoseok shakes his head, “You don’t. We never would have—we wouldn’t want you to feel that. Never,”

“That’s why you were going to the clinic with Kook,” Kihyun whispers.

Changkyun nods. “I met him through it. He basically forced me to be his friend,” he laughs, remembering the first day that he met Jungkook. “He introduced me to his two brothers and I didn’t know that he knew you through Jin hyung, which is why we were both surprised at how small the world could be,” he says.

“How long?” Hyunwoo asks.

“If you’re asking about my expiration date,” he shakes his head, “I don’t know. I asked the doctor to not tell me. As for how long I’ve known? For about three months,” he hears someone in the room gasp.

“You’ve known for that long?”

Changkyun nods sadly. “I wanted to tell you—all of you, really. I just… I didn’t wanna be a burden. I wanted to find you a good roommate that could be here when I’m gone and—”

“Stop—”

“—I wanted someone who you guys can chill with. Someone not so hard to talk to but someone who you guys like and—”

Changkyun suddenly hears someone bang on the table, stopping him from running his mouth. He looks up and finds Hyungwon seething.

“We don’t need a new roommate,” he says angrily, “I can’t believe that’s the first fucking thought you have after learning that you’re _dying_ ,” Hyungwon shakes his head in disbelief, “You _are_ a good roommate. A good person. Someone that we’ve been happy to know and call family. We share everything and you’ve never been a burden. You’re a great kid even if sometimes you’re a little too quiet or awkward. Hell—be awkward, who gives a fuck!” Hyungwon goes over to Changkyun and takes his hands, making the younger look up at him, “You… you are an amazing person, Changkyunah. Don’t ever fucking think for _one_ second that you’re a burden. Because you’re anything but. And the fact that you’ve been going through this on your own says that,” he says.

Changkyun gets up to hug Hyungwon, crying, not knowing what to say. Suddenly he feels the rest of the house hugging him and after the events that had happened today and Jungkook’s death, Changkyun doesn’t feel so alone.

The next few days were an adjustment. Changkyun’s been so used to hiding his sickness away from the rest of the house that when he starts to show a lot of the symptoms during the regular time of the day instead of late at night, Changkyun doesn’t know what to do. If Changkyun had thought that he was a burden before, he’s felt it even more now, but he willed that thought away. Every time he’s throwing up in the bathroom, whether in the day or late at night, someone’s there to pat his back and give him a glass of water. Every time he decides not to eat, someone else piles his plate up just to make sure he was full. Every time he brushes his hair or runs his hands through it and Changkyun finds a clunk of strands on the floor or on his hands, he doesn’t cry by himself. Instead there’s always someone else who looks at him with a smile, reassuring him that it was okay. And he was starting to actually believe it.

He hasn’t set foot in group therapy since Jungkook had died, not wanting to break down every time he sees the empty chair that he used to sit on. Hell, he hasn’t even visited the coffee shop since then either. He had stopped interviewing for new roommates as well, since Kihyun had found his bumble and indeed ad and deleted it, after laughing at it with Minhyuk and Hyungwon for a couple of hours. Apparently it’s now a running joke in the house. He’s even talked a little bit with Jin and Jimin, and Kihyun had invited them over at the house, especially now that everyone else knows what’s happening with Changkyun. He regrets a little bit that he didn’t have Jungkook over at the house, knowing that Hoseok and the rest of the house would’ve enjoyed having him over. But now is not the time of regret.

He has some bad days. Really bad days where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone else and just bury himself in piles of blankets in his room. Sometimes his hyungs understand, but other times, they also get frustrated because they want to spend whatever time Changkyun has left together. But Jin and Jimin had told them that it was part of it, the withdrawals and the feeling of wanting to be alone. This had helped Changkyun get the rest of the house off his back. He does appreciate their concern though. Jungkook was right. Even if he does get some pity gazes here and there, he understands that having his hyungs know what’s happening with him keeps him from thinking too much when he’s feeling a little lonely.

It’s been about a week since he’s stepped foot in the clinic. Kihyun had kept on insisting that group therapy would help him more than they could. And in Minhyuk’s terms, he’d be able to ‘bitch’ to other people who really know what he’s going through.

“Hey, think of it as therapy!” Minhyuk had said one night after dinner.

Jooheon deadpans, “It is therapy,”

“Shut up!” Minhyuk throws a pillow at him, “I mean… you can bitch about us to other people who understand you! Besides, aren’t you sick of our faces?”

Changkyun couldn’t really argue, but if he was being honest, he knew that even though he hated group therapy, having something else or somewhere else to go to, makes him feel a little normal. And he finally understands what Jungkook had told him after all this time. He’s about to enter the room when he sees someone else lingering in the front door, like he had a couple of months ago when he first met Jungkook. Changkyun takes a deep breath and introduces himself. “Hi! I’m Changkyun. Are you coming inside?”

The boy, turns to Changkyun, “Hey! It’s you!”

Changkyun gapes, “Oh my god,” he says.

Taehyung goes to hug him even though he’s only met Changkyun once, at the cafe during the roommate interview. Changkyun had thought he was weird at first but he kind of liked his childlike demeanor and even though Taehyung had asked some weird questions, Changkyun had him on the top of the list as a potential roommate.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Changkyun asks as Taehyung lets him go.

“I’m here for the meeting!” He says enthusiastically. Changkyun looks at him funnily, “Do you know what this meeting is for?” He asks slowly.

Taehyung sadly nods, “I found out a couple of days ago. Just because I act happy and not all somber, doesn’t mean I’m not sick,” he says.

Changkyun was surprised. Taehyung had looked healthy. And so happy. But he guesses that those with the brightest smiles were the ones that go through the most hardships. Changkyun smiles, “Welcome to the club,”

Taehyung gives him a smile and squeals, hooking their arms together, and dragging Changkyun in the room. And Changkyun can’t help but be infected by his smile and energy.

The next month had been slow, but maybe that’s just because Changkyun was lounging around in the house, doing nothing. He doesn’t have the energy to do anything anymore. Sometimes even going to the clinic was a hassle, but he had wanted to be there for Taehyung. Like Jungkook was for him. So he dragged his ass out of bed, and sometimes he’s so drained of energy that Jooheon or Minhyuk had to help dress him. He looks in the mirror and sees himself. Pale, thin, and almost bald. He grabs his electric razor and starts to shave his head. As he says goodbye to his hair, he can’t help but cry and hope that maybe saying goodbye to the life that he had would be a little easier in the future. Or however long he has.

The next morning, Changkyun shows up at the kitchen with a beanie on and finds Hyunwoo making himself some coffee.

“Morning, hyung,”

Hyunwoo turns around and smiles. “Kyunah. Have you been up long?”

Changkyuns shakes his head, “I haven’t really slept. Only a couple of hours,” he expects Hyunwoo to get mad or even point his finger at him and scold him for being so reckless and not sleeping, but Hyunwoo just nods.

“I get that sometimes,” he says as he sits down in front of Changkyun. “This is a stupid question… but how are you feeling?”

Changkyun bitterly laughs, “Like I’m wasting away. I fucking hate this feeling. Every time I look at the mirror I see half of who or what I used to be. My emotions are all over the place. Some days I’m happy and the next, I remember that I’m dying and start crying over a piece of meat that Kihyun hyung puts on my plate,” he sighs, “other than that, just peachy, hyung,” he says.

Hyunwoo smiles and pats his head in sympathy, “Thank you for telling me that. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m really happy that we’re going through it with you. You—you are such a great kid,” Changkyun looks up at his hyung and feels his eyes prickling, “I will miss you… truly, Changkyunah. You’ve made such a big difference in our lives and I honestly don’t think any of us are ready for what’s about to happen,” Hyunwoo looks down at his lap and sniffles.

Changkyun doesn’t know what to do since Hyunwoo was never one to cry. That was more Hoseok’s department. So he does what other people normally do for him when they figure out that he’s dying. He pats Hyunwoo’s head and smiles sadly, “It’s going to be okay, hyung,” and Changkyun finally feels like it will be.

It happened on a Wednesday. Kihyun was making dinner for the rest of the house like normal and was about to wake up Changkyun from his nap. “Kyun, dinner’s ready,” he says. Changkyun doesn’t grunt or even move a little like he normally did which was weird since the younger was such a light sleeper. So Kihyun goes over the bed to shake him a little, but one look at the younger, and Kihyun knew. He sags to his knees and brushes Changkyun’s cheek softly as if it would wake him up, even though he knew that it wouldn’t. Not anymore. Kihyun slowly takes Changkyun’s cold hand in his and whispers, “Kyun. You were such a great kid. Thank you for being our friend. Our brother. And thank you for being brave and for fighting. We’ll miss you. Tell Kook we said hello,” and kisses Changkyun on the forehead. He leaves the room after getting himself together, but as soon as he sees the others, Kihyun couldn’t help but break down. As they all say their goodbye, one by one and together, Minhyuk takes one last look and says, “I’ve never seen Changkyun so peaceful.” He was right.

* * *

“So was I right or was I right?”

Changkyun looks at Jungkook as they look down at his funeral. He sees his six hyungs and two of Jungkook’s along with Taehyung and the rest of the group in his therapy attending. He’s happy that he feels so loved.

He headlocks Jungkook even though the brat is taller than him, “Yes, you were right,” he says as Jungkook laughs and tries to scramble from his grip, “I can’t believe I had to _die_ for you to listen to me,” Jungkook scoffs as Changkyun lets him go and laughs.

He looks at his friend and smiles. “It’s time to go Kook,”

Jungkook smiles back and looks down at his two brothers, smiling even though they were also mourning themselves. He looks back at Changkyun and as they smile at each other and remember the life that they had together, they both knew that the family that they had left behind will be okay and that even though death was a part of life, it didn’t have to be something that consumed them. Changkyun looks back down and sees everyone, not mourning, but celebrating the life that he had. While it wasn’t extraordinary, it was ordinarily his and Changkyun wouldn’t have had it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you had enjoyed the story! I always believed in happy endings when it comes to stories but life isnt always like that and i wanted to make it as realistic as possible. I cant believe I haven’t written anything since July and we’re already on the last month of the year. I honestly did not know where this story would take me. I know it’s a sad story but I’d hope that you at least enjoyed it. Thank you for reading through it! I know this year wasnt like the others, but I hope that you guys tried to make it as best as you can, even if 75% of the year was pretty much non-existent. Here’s to hoping that 2021 will be a little better. Happy holidays!


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